theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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