Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
