Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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