just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
