you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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