I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
