I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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