I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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