well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
