then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
