you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
