Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
