DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
