He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
