her vagine was all disorganized.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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