I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Pants are for mortals
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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