Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
