So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
