Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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