he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
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You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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