grandma shit on top of the toilet
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
