How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
