You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
