So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I think people are normalizing furries
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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