Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
