Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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