Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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