You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
