Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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