I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize