i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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