omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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