i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
