Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
