You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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