Soap is not a condiment
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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