Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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