How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I wish you could order shots online.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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