I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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