All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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