im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
