Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
