gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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