So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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