Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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