Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
