Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have aggressive nipples.
Sext me about skeletons
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
