why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
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