so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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