I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize