it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
