It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Randomize
