Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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