Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
