four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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