naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
