I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
