How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
