Swine flu. Run for my life!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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