your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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