you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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