I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
