I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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