it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
