hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
