A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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