Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
